So, last time on Ugly Betty, Betty had her mouth pried open for orthodontist work (I know how this feels, and trust me, it sucks), Marc disliked Betty, Ignacio was put on house arrest, Betty and Henry broke up only they were never together, and Daniel was upset with his mother while Alexis was angsty and Claire turned herself in for murder. So yeah. Maybe that was more than just last time.
Speaking of that last point, Claire’s being arrested and Bradford set free. Boo! A reporter tries to ask Betty, and in avoiding him, she walks into a phone booth. This amuses Justin and Hilda, but Betty yells at Hilda who yells at Justin. Justin gets ready for school, Betty talks about her guilt and discusses the Meades with Hilda. It’s a good the Suarezes are from a nice normal family with a father who can’t leave the house without setting off alarms. At Mode, Alexis goes into her father's office and is scared to death by Bradford. There’s a bit of humor and then loads of Bradford being a total ass. Jeez, I hate him. Anyway, Marc’s mom is coming, and Amanda is willing to be his fake girlfriend, as usual. Only not. She can consider herself shaved. Thanks to the TWoP forums for explaining that to me! Amanda’s pissed at the fake break-up at the non-fake pregnancy scare. Back to Claire. She’s bloody well handcuffed to the bed and is still as awesome as ever. Bradford still sucks, though. And Daniel shows up. His ass-dad tried to fire Alexis, but can’t because Claire owns Mode. Seriously. Seriously awesome!
To explain this, with Daniel and Betty (Yay!), Daniel doesn’t want to work with Alexis because Alexis always wanted to beat him, even when they were running. Daniel, your family sucks. Except for Claire, who’s awesome. Betty wants to help though! Moving on, everyone in the entire world is an editor-in-chief except Wili. Oh, pity! And Alexis and Daniel squabble some more. Daniel stalks out and Wili starts baiting Alexis. Instead of giving up, she should smear herself all over the magazine. To help with this, she’s giving the Coolest Tranny Ever her office. Now she and Marc are in this cluttered little room that seems to be blinding Marc. It’s all part of Wili’s evil plan! Oh shock! And then Marc’s mom shows up…to music. And with a cat! It hisses at Amanda, who hisses back. Apparently, Miss Formal Shorts broke Marc’s heart while being addicted to sex and drugs. What’s the rock and roll? Well, Miss Lady Buttons of Camelot lost a jewel from her color, Amanda makes Betty into Marc’s girlfriend (she looks adorable when amused) and Marc. Kisses. Betty. ZOMG! (That counts and rock and roll, right?)
Washing out his mouth, Marc confirms to Betty he hasn’t told his mom he’s gay. And he needs Betty’s help, which would be easier to get had he not made her eat glue. Marc’s mom wants to talk about cats. Amanda doesn’t. Ms. Weiner says she’s cranky when she hasn’t had her fix. Amanda says Betty hasn’t even told her father she’s dating, which will make for a very interesting phone conversation we are spared from hearing. Meanwhile, Marc offers Betty information for Daniel if she’ll help him. (Yay!) Amanda shows up and tells them they’re having dinner with Betty's family. Oh, this is gonna go well. Later, Betty tells Daniel Marc told her Alexis is going to screw with him. Duh. But she’s also going to help him, which confuses Daniel, what with that whole glue thing. Now she’s his girlfriend and we’re lucky Daniel’s head doesn’t explode from the WTF of this yet. The things she does for him! (Yay!) Oh, and Alexis’s assistant wants to be Daniel and Daniel proves he isn’t totally blind to the fact he’s kinda sucked lately. But then Alexis plays him like a fiddle, after an awesome comment or two about the Peanuts gang. (R.I.P. Charles Schultz!) Daniel finally trusts her-bad idea much?- and Alexis calls her assistant in to screw Daniel over. The assistant finds this awesome. Apparently he doesn’t like Daniel as much as he says.
Marc tells Betty they met in a plot from She’s All That only minus the actual good looks. Betty knows everything about Marc and Marc knows nothing about Betty. Henry knows everything, though. Oh, isn’t he just perfect? So good it hurts, and I mean that literally. Oh well. Betty, Mulan rocks! So does Alexis, who’s jamming out to a song I now adore in a sexy photo shoot. Wili walks in and says she loves what Alexis did to the office. So do I. Day-um! By the way, Bradford’s still a sex-obsessed ass and Daniel’s still oblivious. And Wili’s still evil, so Marc’s dressing as her for Halloween, which should probably be insulting but oh well. Betty comes in and is all iffy about Daniel’s Letter from the Editor, causing him to imitate her voice. (Yay!) She says this letter shouldn’t just be about shoes, and he should do more because they’re usually awesome. Only doesn’t really write them, he just says he does. Oh, Daniel. You suck. But Betty’s going to make you write from the heart anyway. Magical transition to night scene! Marc shows up at the Casa De Suarez- late. Blame his mom. Miss Lady Buttons of Camelot sucked at the cat show, so she’s just Buttons now. Aww. Ignacio starts to play along nicely, and Marc has an extremely weird present. Then Hilda shows up and several million viewers say, in one voice, “This is going to be the best thing EVER.”
Dinner is awkward. (I’m going for Understatement of the Year here) Betty is Marc’s boyfriend! Great! Can we rename this The Sex Change Show? Ms. Weiner started in cat shows with cats more mindful of polite gestures than Ignacio and we learn Marc had sex with college roommate who broke his heart only we don’t really learn that because his mom can’t know! I *heart* this show’s dirty jokes, BTW. Don't worry about the conservative viewers; they were gone ages ago. Marc and Betty don’t know how long they’ve been going out, so she takes him to her room where there’s a scene that’s amusing, then angsty. Marc will never please his mother. Betty will never have a mother again. Sob! They go back to dinner, but Justin as shown up and is as squee as ever. So let’s hear the stories of how Hilda got knocked up and Justin is supporting a murderer! Which is good because it’s Claire, who’s awesome! He also likes the kitty! And Dreamgirls. So does Marc. Only he says it’s because of boobs. And Ignacio sets off the alarms when the kitty tries to escape, so Hilda says he didn’t kill anyone even though he did. And then Daniel shows up and Justin calls him Betty’s ex-boyfriend. (YAY!) Best. Sequence. Ever.
But finally it’s time for a new setting. In the hospital, Wili, who’s’ getting more evil by the second, tries to get Claire to give her the magazine. With alcohol, O God! But Claire stays strong. But Wili kinda wins in the end. Aww, Claire. You’re still awesome. At the Suarez house, Daniel is sympathetic to Betty and he has an article, which he brought to her because he wants to see her proud of him. (YAAY!) And he likes her pep talks! (YAAAY!) But then, after he leaves, Marc spills the beans about Alexis, so Betty runs out, spilling the beans about him. No, not those beans. The other ones. In the car, Daniel’s pissed, but they're stuck in traffic, so. He and Betty get out and start running. But that's done for now- time for angst! Marc lies once more, and his mom is a total bitch, so so much for lying. She comments on Ignacio’s immigration, Hilda’s sluttiness, and then…Justin. Oh, God. Marc’s upset and finally tries to slap his mother upside the head. She tries to live in denial but he won’t let her. And she shatters him by saying she doesn’t give a damn about him. Jeez. Hello, new homophobic bitch. Go to Hell. Oh, Marc. But don’t cry yet, Daniel and Betty are still running and Alexis sees them. She starts running too and maybe Daniel would have bear her if he hadn’t worried when Betty joked she was having a heart attack. (YAAAA- okay, I’m done.) There is a Chariots of Fire running scene, where Daniel finally sees his brother in Alexis, and Alexis totally smashes that.
Speaking of totally smashed, Daniel is. Betty thinks it’s because they won, but even though Daniel buys her a drink, he has to break the truth. So he’s giving up, which is going to hurt them both. At least make sure she keeps her job, Daniel! Not that I don’t understand why you kinda want to die. Alexis really, really sucks. And yet not as much as Wili, who is going to try to seduce Bradford. She walks in on him, all skanky and- thank God we don’t have to watch this. We do have to watch Marc being sad as fuck, though, which is painful but wonderful. *sniff* Betty’s all sympathetic and supportive and we can hope he’ll be okay. God, he breaks my heart. And so does Daniel. How come? Betty pulls out the letter he wrote that was going to be printed before Alexis screwed him over. It’s all about how much he missed/loves his brosis and wants everything to be okay because of family. Oh, Daniel. Alexis, I could strangle you right now. He’s turned back into a womanizer because of you, only a really, really depressed one. At least Betty has her family. They rock, but the end of this episode is still so sad. But amazing. But sad. Those things go together a lot, don’t they?
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